1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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