it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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