Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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