fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
