hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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