Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
