you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
