my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
