A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
