Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
