my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
