i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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