So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
