he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
