i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I supernannyed him into submission
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
