i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
