My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
