O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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