I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
