My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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