it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
