I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
