don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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