There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
