This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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