How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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