I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
