My room smells like vodka and shame
She is in my trunk
This is not my ceiling
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
