The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
