And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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