New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
