Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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