I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
