I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
