Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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