I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
