Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize