i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
