he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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