he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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