i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
