What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
