sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
