I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
