Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
