Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
