Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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