Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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