she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
