Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
