I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize