I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
