Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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