At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Couch. On fire.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
