So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
