my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
