dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Mom said you looked used
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
