so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
