I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
