I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
