Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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