There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
