Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
