your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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